What no beer 2? (The alternative edition) – The Session #59

I Almost Always Drink Beer, But When I Don’t…

This months Session topic is brought to you by Mario of Brewed For Thought, he knows we love to talk about beer, but wants to find out what else tickles our taste buds.

But hang on, I love beer, I want beer, he said “I almost always DRINK beer, but”…. Hmmmmm he said I can’t drink it but…?

Well my first thought was absorption, in a beer bath maybe?

My first attempt failed, after several hours of lying there waiting for the effects to kick in..NOTHING. I wasn’t remotely tipsy and gathered no real enjoyment from the experience whatsoever. I ended up with a bad back and a Rogue Dead Guy crown cap stuck in a place I’d rather not go into further..

Trying again, I opted to try a more commercial approach as a larger more comfortable vessel was obviously required. Sadly a larger vessel means more beer was required and the costs had to be shared in a communal fashion…

FAIL!! Have you seen the colour of that stuff? All those bubbles too, something tells me this beer is SKUNKED!


I couldn’t see the point in this one….

Trying another method, through the nose, achieved slightly better results.  Well I snort of got the hang of this after a few attempts, initial hop aromas disappeared quite quickly, flavours were good until the sneezing started. This then had a detrimental effect on the colour of the beer in the bottle though, maybe one to try with Floris Cactus?

Instillation then a partial success but not overly pleasant, next up, perhaps I could try getting my beer fix via food?

Initially all the signs were promising, it smelled lovely (although it wasn’t the best looking can of Brewdog Punk Porn IPA I’d ever seen). However this method is seriously flawed, the grease from the chicken ruined any carbonation the beer had for starters. I’m also a bit of a sad do about drinking beer from the correct glassware so drinking beer through a dead chickens neck hole was a step to far. Lastly temperature control was a major issue….

On return from the burns unit at the North Staffs Ear, Nose and Throat Unit, I realised that during my spell under their expert medical care, I’d stumbled across another method that had previously eluded me, the dreaded BEER ENEMA!!

Sadly (what am I saying, of course it wasn’t sadly), I didn’t get past the preparation stages here.

From reading up on the subject I’d been led to believe the liquid was meant to be warm, this brought flashbacks from that goddamn Punk Ass Chicken to my mind. Bugger that I thought (excuse the pun) I need my beer cold. So I made my preparations, as shown above and it took me right back again to that damn crown cap from Rogue which still hasn’t seen the light of day.

Time for a mug of tea methinks… 😉

9 thoughts on “What no beer 2? (The alternative edition) – The Session #59

    • What do you mean, it’s a very serious post and I’m expecting an award for both the writing and it’s services to the beer industry? 😉

      I’ll let you into a secret. I once went to a friends quite posh wedding reception where we all sat in big groups of around 10 on circular tables. Some bright spark (who ran a pub) suggested it would be a good idea that we snort neat vodka for a laugh. Shots of vodka, ten straws and a silver tray duly arrived. We all had a go for a giggle, it was bloody awful, imagine sniffing neat vodka up your hooter through a straw. It did work but I suspect it’s not particularly good for you, (it certainly wasn’t enjoyable) so children (or adults) don’t try this at home.

      The worst thing was her wedding reception was video recorded by a roving cameraman, she was not happy on return to work…

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