Excuse me mate, are those legs you’re wearing?

I’ve seen a lot of crazy things while out and about broadening my beer knowledge, but I think last night just about topped it in terms of just plain daftness.

Last night I was refused entry into a pub for wearing shorts.

Not some swanky London craft beer emporium, nor a swish glitzy city wine bar, it was J D Wetherspoons in Newcastle Under Lyme.

Now I know we had our official three days of British Summertime about two weeks ago, but I’m a dedicated shorts wearer generally for the duration of the summer/rainy-season regardless of the inclement conditions. I’m not talking Bjorn Borg style ball huggers here by the way, just plain old comfy cargo type attire.

We’d gone into Newcastle as a last resort yesterday and were in search of a few decent beery pubs. Generally I don’t tend to frequent any of the local Spoons pubs because they a bit grotty, plus are normally either full of shumbling alchy’s or the nightclub crowd in there to get tanked up on cheap booze so they don’t have to spend money when they get into the cattle market. As we were passing though we decided to give it a go.

As I strolled up to the door the two burly black Gestapo-esque doormen both barred my path and said those immortal words “sorry mate, you can’t come in here”, you’ve got shorts on!

Now I’m sorry, I’m picking no argument with the door staff, they are there to do their job and are generally a welcome sight when the drunken dick-heads start inevitably kicking off, but shorts for christ’s sake, in Wetherspoons.

Photograph not to scale….
Thanks to http://man.bf-1.com/

Perhaps the Wetherspoons management were trying to save me from being swamped by the hordes of scantily clad ladies within?

I can picture the scene as I walk in and stroll up to the bar. Freshly oiled, tanned naked leg flesh on show, shorts blowing softly in the breeze as I go. Every muscle and sinew is rippling in perfect harmony, my greek godlike presence filling the room with a testosterone fuelled aura of pure masculinity. In the background I can hear the sound of chairs scraping, the little squeals of excited women and a clip-clop of footsteps as they come tottering after me on six inch heels like rats following the pied piper, skirts barely hiding their thong covered bum cracks..

Fifty Shades of Grey eat your heart out…(maybe)

Joking aside though, what kind of message are they trying to send to customers, you are welcome sometimes, when we need you, but not when the place is heaving with folks that wouldn’t know a decent beer if you drowned them in it.

I’m assuming they’d like to be associated with good beer and not alcopops and Fosters, that’s why CAMRA send me those money of vouchers every year right?

Perhaps they’d do better employing doormen at ten o clock in the morning, they could get them to have a word with red nosed all-dayer brigade, all threadbare grubby suits and cheap trainers, stinking of urine and stale smoke?

Perhaps then I’d go in more often and actually get to use my vouchers, maybe then have something good to say..

12 thoughts on “Excuse me mate, are those legs you’re wearing?

  1. I had a similar situation with one of the crappier pubs down the road from us. Nod to the doorman was greeted with, “you can’t come in here with that hat on mate”

    It must of been incredibly offensive considering it was a plain grey beanie…

    There is a pub right next to this one though and just looked at the guy with a *are you serious look* and said something along the lines of “right, well I’m off to that pub then!”

    • It’s ridiculous mate, I can understand it if you are wearing shitty dirty work clothes and stuff or if there is a dress code “period”, but otherwise use some common sense and discretion. I did very much similar to, only wandering off chuntering loudly about letting f*ing tramps drink in there šŸ˜‰

  2. It can come as a surprise but, yes, Wetherspoons with bouncers often enforce a dress code. I’m not amazed it was shorts as I know of other pubs that do that. Many years ago I was refused entry to Rochdale Wetherspoons for being smartly dressed but wearing trainers. The funny thing is all I did was go to the back entrance where there were no bouncers!

    • Sadly no back door here I’m afraid so couldn’t do that, but trainers and shorts for gads sake, it’s bloody madness! Cheers for the comment

  3. I once got refused entry to a JDW in Swindon cos I was wearing cargo pants – black ones that looked smarter than the majority of the jeans that were permitted access. If I had one less pocket on each leg it wouldn’t have been a problem. To be fair the bouncer did seem a bit embarrassed by it.

    And as for your shorts, I bet there were loads of women in their with mini-skirts on. Much madness.

    When I do my Tens Spoons in One Day Tour I’ll take al load of different outfits with me and see what happens.

  4. I’ve been refused entry to a JDW before for a hat (quickly rectified I may add by removing it), the objection to whit was it would obscure my face on CCTV should I suddenly become a problem, but its a bit of a leap to assume that shorts are a dress code infraction. Now I’m willing to admit to not ever having been to the N-U-L branch of said outlet for cheap beer, but I have frequented other outlets in similar wear and not been refused entry before.

    I think there is only one reasonable course of action here Phil, and that is (in the name of investigative journalism)… SARONGS!!! Technically these should get around any issues of exposed knobbly man flesh whilst still allowing the wearer to enjoy the benefits of freedom of movement and relative cooling.

    • It’s funny you should say that as Greg from Weird Beard Brewery commented on Twitter at the time about it happening to one of his mates who’d arrived in shorts.
      “A few golfers in plus fours walked in, then followed several girls wearing invisible skirts, his Mrs promptly whisked off her skirt and offered it to the shorts wearer, at which point they were politely ushered away” šŸ˜‰

      Made me giggle..cheers

  5. Reminds me of the time when a friend and I had gone to Birmingham for the world indoor athletic championships (spectating not competing). On leaving the indoor arena we went to a nearby Spoons for some refreshment. I was refused entry for wearing jogging bottoms / trainers. Hope none of the athletes tried getting in later!

  6. A lowlife Wetherspoons. They are not exactly The Ritz are they. They are nothing but my husband and I were refused entry because he wore track suit bottoms. They were not genuinely track suit bottoms but quite smart cotton trousers with cuffed ankles.
    It is unbelievable that this cheap jack chain refuse admittance to decent people for silly reasons.

  7. Exactly this happened to me last night in Rhyl. Yes, Rhyl ! Refused entry for wearing shorts on a hot Bank Holiday evening – at the seaside ! But then Rhyl is known for its well-dressed clientele, isn’t it.

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